Human Sexuality

Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality

Christopher Ryan, Ph.D. & Cacilda Jethá, M.D.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback.

One of NPR’s Favorite Books of 2010.

Winner of the 2011 SSTAR Consumer Book Award (Society for Sex Therapy & Research), and the Foundation for the Scientific Study of Sexuality’s Harriet and Ira Reis Theory Award in Sexology for 2011.

A Best Book of 2010 (Audible.com). 

“The single most important book about human sexuality since Alfred Kinsey unleashed Sexual Behavior in the Human Male on the American public in 1948.”
— Dan Savage

“Funny, witty, and light . . . the book is a scandal in the best sense, one that will have you reading the best parts aloud and reassessing your ideas about humanity’s basic urges well after the book is done.”
— Newsweek

“[Sex at Dawn] helps put the ‘human’ back in ‘human sexuality.’”
— AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists)

On an almost daily basis we are inundated with stories about the collapse of the latest celebrity marriage—and infidelity is almost always the cause of the break up. Is it even possible for two people to stay together happily over an extended period of time? Since Darwin’s day, we’ve been told that sexual monogamy comes naturally to our species. But it doesn’t, and never has.

Mainstream science—as well as religious and cultural institutions—has long maintained that men and women evolved in nuclear families where a man’s possessions and protection were exchanged for a woman’s fertility and fidelity. But this narrative is collapsing. Fewer and fewer couples are getting married and divorce rates keep climbing while adultery and flagging libido drag down even seemingly solid marriages.

In SEX AT DAWN, renegade researchers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá debunk almost everything we “think we know” about sex.

Ryan and Jethá show how our promiscuous past haunts our current struggles regarding monogamy, sexual orientation, and family dynamics. Some of the themes they explore include:

• why long-term fidelity can be so difficult for so many;
• why sexual passion tends to fade even as love deepens;
• why many middle-aged men risk everything for an affair;
• why homosexuality persists in the face of standard evolutionary logic; and
• what the human body reveals about the prehistoric origins of modern sexuality

Ryan and Jethá show that our ancestors lived in egalitarian groups that shared food, child care, and often, sexual partners. Weaving together convergent, often overlooked evidence from anthropology, archeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality, the authors show how far from human nature sexual monogamy really is. They expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation, and generosity.

In the tradition of the best historical and scientific writing, SEX AT DAWNunapologetically upends unwarranted assumptions and unfounded conclusions while offering a revolutionary understanding of why we live and love as we do. A controversial, idea-driven book that challenges everything you know about sex, marriage, family, and society.

Paperback edition was released on July 5, 2011.

Sex at Dawn is available now in the U.S, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Finland, Spain, and Korea. Coming soon in Japanese, Chinese, Polish, Ukrainian, Russian, Romanian, Slovenian, Czech, and Albanian. If you know any publishers in Germany, France, Italy, or Portugal, tell them to get with the program already!

Check out Christopher’s blogs at Psychology Today and Huffington Post.
To say hello, request an interview or media appearance, please use the contact form on this site.

source: http://www.sexatdawn.com/

The Cure

     Did you know that 1/3 of the women in this world own a vibrator? I know it’s a crazy thought especially since when the vibrator was originally invented, its purpose was to cure women of “hysteria” a term that at the time, was used to describe what we now call sexual frustration. Doctors grew weary of manually relieving women of this ailment so they designed a machine that vibrated and was applied to the clitoris in or to induce orgasm.

     Ironically enough a woman’s pleasure was the furthest thing from the minds of the men who created the vibrator. Today women have replaced men’s laziness, the laziness that led to the invention in the first place, with the very same invention, the vibrator.

     Up until the 20^th century men the world over believed that women did not experience physical sexual pleasure and were simply content to be the proverbial “hole in the wall” that mean treated them like.  Women had only 2 purposes of which the second was to bear children and in the eyes of men didn’t experience the same pleasures. This as obviously since been proven very wrong but you can see why men operating under that impression left women suffering from this “hysteria.” I would go crazy too if the man I was having sex with never bothered to make sure I had an orgasm!

      In the late 19^th century doctors were making a killing in the “orgasm” game or what they used to call “paroxysm” because according to them at the time women didn’t experience sexual gratification the way men did.  At the time doctors didn’t exactly have the stellar reputation they do today. Their methods tended to kill more people than they helped, so when they developed the cure for hysteria women were more than happy to come back over and over for treatment.

      Unfortunately for the doctors their monopoly on the vibrator was short-lived.  Thanks to advertising in women’s magazines, the vibrator soon made its way into homes disguised as the “personal massager.” Even today they are still sometimes described as personal massagers but for the most part it is out in the open. I mean it had to be after the women’s movement and feminism took hold in our country.  Of course it took women to get things going!

      Today there are thousands of different vibrators. They are plug in, portable bullets, egg shaped, long and pink, battery powered, and water proof. 1/3 of women own a vibrator and to think we owe it all to some lazy doctors who thought we didn’t get off the way they did.

-SweetDee

Two Good Reasons To Practice Tantra | OMTimes Magazine

By Chandi Devi

Tantra brings you playfulness and pleasure

Spirituality is taken very seriously and often seekers become rigid and serious instead of flexible and light-hearted. To embrace life, we need to, as Jesus said, become like children again. This is the virgin spirit of the goddess Kumari– the sweet innocence, the pure joy, expressing through the exuberance of life. We often suppress our childlike qualities of wonder and enthusiasm, and replace those feelings with complacency, boredom, suspicion, seriousness, skepticism and other emotions that stop the flow of joy.

Evoking feelings of happiness is something that we all have to work at. It’s not always automatic. We have to make a conscious effort to create, develop and maintain emotions that sustain our feelings of wellbeing at all times. And we must learn how to live in a perpetual state of loving awareness. This is a huge challenge at times, but no one else can do this for us. Since we create our own reality every moment of every day, we really have no choice.

Part of tantric work requires playfulness as we explore our sensuality through music, dance, movement, singing, art and sexuality. In fact, play and pleasure, as well as every other aspect of life, such as work, eating, lovemaking are regarded as opportunities for spiritual development.

The mind is a world of complex images and concepts, but the body’s world is one of sensation. So we can only experience pleasure through the senses. Our bodies want to feel pleasurable sensations constantly — touching, breathing deeply, dancing, looking with curiosity, walking rhythmically, and making love.

Tantra increases intuition and psychic abilities

Intuition has also been called insight, revelation, inspiration, direct apprehension, gut instinct, a flash, a hunch, a premonition, “Eureka” or “Aha,” a sixth sense, an inner voice, “vibes,” a feeling, “reading between the lines,” “red flags,” a “nagging” feeling, sensitivity, “ringing true,” “an educated guess,” “reading him (or her) like a book,” “inner radar,” “a light coming on,” preconscious concept formation, and ESP (or “being psychic,” although intuition is not truly a psychic phenomenon).

Intuition is a natural function which we all possess. It cannot be developed; it is already fully functioning and accurate, such that this part of us always knows everything which is affecting our lives or will affect our lives.

But a reliable sense of “knowing” is developed only when our minds are free from thought, for only through this inner silence can messages from our higher self-reach us.

Tantra work helps us maintain a type of inner silence and stillness even when we are busy. I call it “active body, still mind”.

Clairvoyance… clairaudience…clairsentience…the abilities to see, hear and feel through paranormal senses could become prominent, as well as the ability to heal, see, feel and manipulate energy.

Manifestation of thoughts may occur and with that comes the realization that one has to be very cognizant of his or her thoughts, feelings and actions. With power comes grave responsibility.

I might add that this phenomenon is not sought, it is earned. It is a gift.

Two Good Reasons To Practice Tantra | OMTimes Magazine.

 

Cunnilingus is great for your health!

As we’ve all heard, even in latest news, oral sex for your male partner is good for your health. Fantastic! We agree.

We women believe the same to be true when it comes to our lady parts.

Happy wife = Happy life! Isn’t that the age-old adage? Why yes it is.

• Several studies have hypothesized that hormones released during arousal and orgasm, specifically oxytocin and DHEA, may also have protective effects against cancer and heart disease.

• Research has also pointed to the sedative and relaxing effect of oxytocin and other endorphins released during orgasm, which may explain why people use masturbation as a way to get to sleep, and why sex is a great way to deal with stress.

• Study has also found that orgasms can relieve migraine headaches.

• It’s also worth pointing out that orgasm and sex play in general can be a wonderful form of exercise. Frequent sex and orgasms can bring with it the benefit of other good cardio workouts.

Hard evidence:

It has been determined that prostate massage in men actually reduces the risk of prostate cancer. Could it not be just as important for women to know if draining the gspot could also provide health benefits? When the female prostate (gspot) has become enlarged or caused discomfort it is called female urethral diverticulum or female prostatitis. Many urinary tract infections (UTIs) have been incorrectly diagnosed and treated due to this disregard for the female prostate.

Even beyond the health aspects of female sexuality, women’s sexual pleasure is important solely for the sake of itself. 

It is actually good for you much like the benefits of prostate massage for men. Because it cleanses the urethra it can also PREVENT UTI’s (Urinary Tract Infections).

A beautiful man once wrote:

“Once you’re properly positioned, there are a number of things you can do in order to rock her world.”

How often do you go down on your partner before intercourse?
And intercourse aside, how often do you engage in oral sex just for the sake of… oral sex?

If the numbers are low, I have to say: You and are your partner are missing out. I mean, I know. It can be near-impossible to resist diving in to sexy time penis first. But an intense session of cunnilingus can definitely add something to your intimate life that neither of you are getting from the same old in-and-out.

So what’s the big deal?

For one thing, giving her oral sex can be a great form of foreplay. Your partner may not have mentioned this to you, but women typically are not ready for intercourse after just one arm caress and a boob grope. They often prefer a warming-up period in order to become physically and psychologically aroused, which, in turn, makes it easier for them to experience pain-free sex and, perhaps, even reach orgasm(s).

But oral sex doesn’t even have to be used as foreplay. For a really intense sexual experience, try making cunnilingus the main event. In many cases, women orgasm more reliably from cunnilingus than they do from intercourse.

But you have do it right. Giving her oral sex is not as simple as merely thrusting your tongue into her vagina and making it do the wiggle. Nay. Mind-blowing oral sex requires some actual technique.

Mark Coriddi, author of The Mount Method: a Guide to Pleasuring Women, suggests first establishing a “mount.” Nope. Not a “dismount” (though cunnilingus does require a bit of oral gymnastics). Achieving a mount means that your mouth and her pubic area come together in such a way as to maximize the pleasure she experiences during your mouthy ministrations.
Both men and women have a mount. According to Coriddi, a man’s mount is the area of his upper lip just above his teeth. A woman’s mount, meanwhile, is the center of the pubic bone, where there is a slight cradle into which your mount naturally fits. “Connecting your respective mounts and maintaining that persistent connection throughout the process of arousal is essential to mind-blowing oral sex,” says Coriddi. “Specifically, it allows you to firmly place your mouth just where it needs to be for maximum stimulation of your partner’s clitoris.”

To make all of this easier, consider placing a pillow or two beneath her pelvis. It will make her hot spots easier to access. Once you’re properly positioned, there are a number of things you can do in order to rock her world.

First, warm her up by caressing her inner thighs, breathing naturally so she can feel your breath on her clitoris and on the other areas of her vulva. This will help build up anticipation, making her squirm for more as you prepare to really impress her. Then, once you’re ready, begin licking her like an ice cream cone, in long, thick strokes that cover the entire area down there.
Let your licks gradually build up in intensity before plunging in fully. Once you’ve reached a certain rhythm, try mixing things up (though you should remain mindful of how she’s responding to your touch; if she’s finding a specific rhythm or touch particularly pleasurable, she may never forgive you if you suddenly change course)

“Lick her senseless with a short burst of energy and then return to the flat, still tongue, waiting for yet another opportune moment to spring to life again.”

What else can you do down there? Use your lips to kiss her most intimate parts, alternating those particular kisses with smooches on her thighs. Lightly nibble and then suck on entire bits of her skin. The gentle suction will feel incredible, especially if you can still manage to continue using your tongue. Blow softly across her skin, teasing her with the new sensation. Don’t be nervous about experimenting with different approaches when giving her oral sex.

Once found, a skilled cunnilinguist rarely goes unappreciated. But if you’re not sure exactly how, just press a flat, still tongue against her vulva and let her do the work. It’s the cunnilingus equivalent of letting her get on top.

One of my favorite tongue techniques that I talk about in my book She Comes First is the “Rope-a-dope”– the strategy Muhammad Ali used to take down George Foreman during the edge-of your-seat Rumble in the Jungle. Let her push and grind against your flat, still tongue — take it all in — and then spring back with a series of fast vertical and diagonal tongue strokes. Lick her senseless with a short burst of energy and then return to the flat, still tongue, waiting for yet another opportune moment to spring to life again.

What’s most important while giving her oral sex is that you remain mindful of how she’s responding to you. As I write in The Cliterate Male, you should never assume your partner is as excited as you are. Even if she’s wet down there, her physical arousal may not be indicative of the psychological arousal she is — or isn’t — feeling. Instead, you should be focusing on these other signs of physical arousal:

-an increase in the pace of her breathing
-an increase in her body temperature and heart rate
-a high state of tension in her muscles
-a tightening of her abdominal muscles
-a throbbing of her pelvic muscles
-a general “bearing down” on the pelvic area.

As Coriddi so eloquently puts it, cunnilingus is “a delicate dance — and she’s leading you.” If she’s not exhibiting the signs above, continue to mix up your technique. If she’s showing one or multiple signs of arousal, for the love of god, don’t stop!

As you become more comfortable with the techniques above, you can even consider investing in a vibrating tongue ring, in order to pack some extra punch down below. But, honestly, you don’t need all those bells and whistles. You just need an enthusiasm for the job at hand — and a willingness to follow her lead.

Read more: http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip/36_love_tip.html#ixzz2PWKQFLHv

Source:
Komisaruk, B.R., Beyer-Flores, C., & Whipple, B. The Science of Orgasm Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 2006.

Some important tips to mind while stimulating your wild mare:

This guy cares and so should you!

Positioning can change the whole ball game, mix it up!

Return to innocence

People always gripe and complain about getting older. It’s true getting older can be something of an arduous task. With the proper diet/ nutrition, exercise and fervor for life, getting older doesn’t have to look like it used to in the days of cigarettes and booze at every turn, even in the office place.

At times libido has been known to suffer from old age or even just mature age. Again, with proper bodily care what’s left to overcome is mental blockades which are generally gained over time from negative experiences.

Just like a daily skin regimen involving…PRODUCTS…a sexual refinement regimen can be utilized to revamp or RESEX anyones life.

The current state of our world, when is comes to sex, has become a wide open playing field. You can fuck who you want, virtually when you want, how you want….if you want?.

Enter into any “sex shop” or peruse any online adult novelty store and it’s all at your finger tips. Even the leading condom brand, Trojan, has joined the ranks of sex toy manufacturers abound.

Right now I can look over to my nightstand and find an amazing array of pleasure products. Yes, I am a sex toy designer and yes I do “research” to find what I think the world needs to spice up their lives and regain that youthful innocence which we all long for once past the age of, now a days roughly 28. It all began with a healthy love of human connection and a wild curiosity of what our bodies are capable of when it comes to pushing the boundaries of winning pleasure. Thanks Charlie Sheen, an orgasm is a grand moment of WINNING!

Returning to innocence is something to me that sounds like we would be able and allowed to explore, without judgement or shame, what ever boundaries we think we have with regard to where the human body, the human spirit and the kundalini meet.

Since we love to attach products to any action or intent, as we humans do, pleasure products are here and readily available to anyone excited to reawaken that innocence. Think of them as the board games of the bedroom, the princess tiaras and boas of the seduction wonderlust, the racquets and balls of our courts ie where ever you like to “get down”.

Dusts, gels, lubes, finger paints, pasties, ropes, swings, spankers, powders in all flavors, temperatures, colors and beyond…..it’s a wonderland of sensual fun! These are not limited to partner play alone….take your time when breaking down your barriers and returning to your innocence. Play with your products alone to get acquainted. Most insecurity occurs because of discomfort or distrust of self for one reason or another. Be caring and considerate to yourself and your partner. Laugh in the bedroom WITH each other or alone, it’s the best way to break the ice. So often I’ve had partners that never want to separate because I am “in the moment”, unafraid and candid. No matter whether there’s a slip up…..no, not up the butt!….we aren’t talking about that right now…or what would seem to be a mishap while exploring, it’s all in fun and for the sake/ in the name of pleasure. So go ahead and HAVE FUN! Don’t even hold back if you have the slightest curiosity, go with it and see where your real boundaries lie beyond the pretense. (so many puns I can barely stand it!)

Think about it, when you were young and beginning to learn about everything…ANYTHING…NOTHING…it was all OK, because, “you are young”. As time and all the media has shown us, no one really grows up. We are all just big ass children roaming around with lots of allowances and responsibilities getting by and making the most of the lives we’re given. Use some of that money to invest in your pleasure chest, expand your repertoire while ultimately gaining more satisfaction!

What Does Sex Positive Mean

 

Question: What Does Sex Positive Mean?

Answer:

The term sex positive has been in use in academic and research writing since at least the mid-1950s (probably much earlier, I’ve read that Wilhelm Reich was credited with first using the term). In these early references, sex positive was most often used as a synonym for erotophilia. In contemporary usage, the definition of sex positive continues to develop, and no one has made much of an effort to argue for a unified vision of sex positivity.

The term sex positive began to be used with greater frequency during the feminist “sex wars” of the 80s and 90s. At that time it was often used to define oneself in opposition to the anti-pornography feminists. Sex positive was used interchangeably with the term “pro-sex” and it began to include the idea that that sexual expression could be transgressive, that people can attain sexual freedom through the performance of sexual acts and sexual ways of being.

Carol Queen, an author and activist who has long been associated with the term sex positive, and whose 1997 collection Real Live Nude Girl was the first mainstream book to use the term sex positive in its title, defines sex positivity this way:

“Sex-positive, a term that’s coming into cultural awareness, isn’t a dippy love-child celebration of orgone – it’s a simple yet radical affirmation that we each grow our own passions on a different medium, that instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions. “Sex-positive” respects each of our unique sexual profiles, even as we acknowledge that some of us have been damaged by a culture that tries to eradicate sexual difference and possibility. Even so, we grow like weeds.”

In an article for Planned Parenthood on providing sex positive sex education, Lisa Tobin writes that being sex positive includes:

• Having a comprehensive definition of sexuality
• Viewing sexual health as a basic human right
• Focusing on the life-enhancing aspects of sexuality as well as attention to the negative aspects
• Being non-judgmental and challenging narrow social constructs
• Using inclusive language rather than value-laden language which makes assumptions based on sexual orientation or gender stereotypes
• Assisting individuals to be aware of the choices involved in sexual decisions

The sex educator’s definition of sex positive usually invokes less of the transgressive politics, and focuses more on the positive psychological and physical impact of sexual expression.

While the term sex positive is still used in activist and academic writing, as well as in sexual health and sexology, these days it can most often be found in marketing materials for a wide range of for profit businesses that make money off selling sex in one form or another to the public. In this usage, it has become a short hand for sexual normalization. Thus a “sex positive author” is someone who will make you feel okay about whatever it is they tell you how to do in their book, and a “sex positive sex toy store” will make you feel good about whatever they sell you).

Whether sex positivity will lose its meaning in the face of so much marketing remains to be seen. But as long as there are other organizations (or, say, governments) whose agenda includes restricting sexual rights and expression, the idea of sex positivity remains an important one for all of us to hold on to.

What Does Sex Positive Mean.

Okay, so, you have to school me on Ganja Vibes. Go!

Today I made a new friend. It all started when I “liked” a picture and commented with praise of a certain awesome distribution company‘s move on Facebook…..The response was a “friending” along with the entitled request in a private message.

This is my response:

I have been a long time advocate of Cannabis and a healthy sex life. After a long romance with both cultures I saw a niche market untapped.

Enters “Ganja Vibes”, a place where sex and weed combine to help you find your highest highs!

I have conceptualized adult novelty designs for Cannabis enthusiasts. The “Mary Jane VibratorTM” is my first product on the manufacturing line. Currently being manufactured in China, eventually I hope the products will one day be “made in America”.

The “Mary Jane VibratorTM” is a personal massager/ clitoral stimulator. Discrete enough to leave lying around the house, but so well designed that you’ll want one for your every day massage use as well as sexual use. It’s amazing while being utilized with a partner. The most common response, a loud “I WANT ONE!”

The Ganja Vibes adult novelty line will include your basic toys, along with some other wild machinations I have worked out. I have yearned for more creativity and a safe haven (toys that I actually relate to; i.e. my love of Marijuana) while exploring sexuality, pleasure and fun. So I created it.

Clitoral Stimulator: The Mary Jane VibratorTM
Butt Plug: Under Development
Dildo: Under Development
Dong: Under Development
Fetish Toys: ‘Spanker’ Under Development

Accompaniments:
Lube
Pasties
Sensual Dust
Oral enhancer

Apparel & Accessories:
Shirts Male & Female
Hats
Panties

Online presence:
www.ganjavibes.com – This is a blog I started in November of 2011 to test my name. This address will soon become our e-commerce website; the blog will remain a feature.

Twitter:
@ganja_vibes
@maryjanevibe

Instagram:

@_ganjavibes_

Facebook:
www.facebook.com/ganjavibes
The facebook page, like the blog, is a musing, entertainment and updates hub. I have been very careful while establishing my trademarks, copyrights and patents, so you will not find any images of the toys soon to be released.

Can a cornucopia of marijuana related sex tools change the minds of many and effect our society as we know it??? – I believe it can!

My goal is to offer these goodies at an affordable cost to all those who love the cultures.

I get phone calls every day from friends and messages from new supporters asking when can they see what’s being produced and some even ask where can they buy one, before they even see it. I can not express how much fuel this puts on the huge fires burning….I am GRATEFUL, TREMENDOUSLY APPRECIATIVE AND PUMPED about how excited everyone is to welcome Ganja Vibes on the scene with open arms! THANK YOU!

Me, Heather B, Founder of Ganja Vibes

Be Kinky, Be High…on life….One Love!

Body, Mind, and Spirit Sex

 

Regular sex, according to medical research, has the same benefits as regular exercise. It increases the flow of certain chemicals that naturally boost and strengthen the immune system, improves cholesterol levels, stimulates circulation, invigorates the heart, diminishes the intensity of pain, especially in migraines and chronic arthritis, reduces PMS symptoms, and releases endorphins which simply make you feel good.

Good sex is not a localized experience, but embraces all of the parts of our Self: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The more of our whole being that is involved, the better the sex. And the more complete the sexual healing.

Physical Sex

* Make friends with your body. The more accepting you are of your physical being—your best features as well as your flaws—the more comfortable you will be sharing it.

* Explore how your body feels. Develop your sense of touch. Cover the surface of your body with paint, with clay, with cream, with silk. Treat yourself to a massage, a manicure, or a facial. Pat, stroke, rub, knead your skin and hair. Offer to massage someone. Ask someone to massage you.

* Appreciate your body. Know that this body allows you to participate fully in life. Don’t take this tremendous gift for granted. Express your gratitude for its durability, dependability, and recuperative powers.

* Bless your body for the great service that it provides. Bless your feet that take you where you want to go, the back that holds you upright, the hands that serve you so well, the eyes that you see out of, the heart that keeps on ticking. Bless your life in its physical form and enjoy it.

* Treat your body well. Feed it wisely, air it often, water and exercise it with Intention and care. Pay Attention to its proper maintenance and upkeep. Keep it oiled and greased and limber, and don’t let it get rusty. Nurture its need to be nurtured. Tend to its requirements and pamper all of its parts.

* Prepare your body for sex. Soak in a warm tub full of fragrant water to melt into the mood. Rub luscious lotion all over yourself, caressing each mound and crevice and curve with love and anticipation.

Mental Sex

* Mind your memories, good and bad. Do not dwell in the past. Do not look back in time in order to yearn for more youthful days or compare yourself today with who you used to be. And do not let past pain, rejection, repression, or abuse deprive you of your present pleasures Deal with what you want to change so that you can Be Here Now.

* Mind your manners. Be nice. Be kind. Be patient. Be encouraging, but be sure to ask for what you want. Be willing to communicate with an open ear, as well as with an open mouth. Be clear and specific. Be gentle, but firm. Speak your truth and expect to be heard. Share your desires and fantasies and play them out. Show and tell.

* Mind your P’s and Q’s. P stands for permission. Allow yourself to follow your instincts and your desires and give yourself the unconditional permission to do what comes naturally, whatever that might mean to you. Q is for the quest for what you want and how you want it.

Emotional Sex

* Explore the full range of your sexual emotions. What feelings does sex engender in you? What needs do you want it to fill? Does it? Is sex an outlet for the release of stress, of anger, frustration, or boredom? Is it an avenue to tenderness, affection, closeness,intimacy, honesty, safety, openness, trust, and love?

* Express your true emotional Self in all its myriad moods. Allow your funny, silly, lazy, sad, colorful, soulful, sinful parts out to play. Be adventurous. Be bold. Be brazen. Be wild. Be inventive. Don’t worry, the kids won’t be able to hear you. Be silent. Be solo. Be celibate. Be whatever you darn well please.

* Exorcise your demons. Relax your resistance. Release your inhibitions. Let go of your mind altogether. Forget your emotions and all of your mental ramblings for a while, and just let yourself be. There are times when it is important to reflect upon and connect with your thoughts and feelings, and there are times when it’s just as beneficial to disengage. Sex would be one of those times to let go.

Spiritual Sex

* Create a sexual sanctuary, a safe and sacred space, a Temple of Love in which to indulge in your pleasures. Remove all distracting items that relate to the other parts of your life: notebooks, briefcases, pagers, bills, calendars. Turn the phones off, including the cell at the bottom of your purse. Cover the clocks. Close the bathroom door.

* Smudge your space with the smoke of myrrh or copal to cleanse the atmosphere and with the smoke of sweet grass to invite in the sweet spirits. Create a mood conducive to enchantment, enticement, and enjoyment. This is the royal boudoir, after all. A Garden of 1001 Delights.

* Decorate your love chamber it in such a way as to appeal to all of the senses. Use sheets and covers in soft fabrics: chenille, flannel, silk, and satin to lie upon. Play sensual, arousing, or relaxing music. Have candles, soft lights, colored walls, flowers, and objets d’ arte to please the gaze. Apply evocative perfumes, oils, and incense to smell. Offer lovely treats to taste.

* Create a ritual before you make love. Think of sex as a way to connect — alone or in company — with the vibrating Kundalini energy that courses through you and the entire universe. Sanctify and ignite your Intention by lighting a candle, saying a prayer, or by singing, chanting, drumming, dancing, anointing. Reach out to engage your Self, another, and All That Is, in an ecstatic embrace of spirit, passion, and love.

Author’s Bio:

*****************************************************
Mama Donna Henes is an internationally renown urban shaman,
award-winning author, popular speaker and workshop leader
whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced
ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to
millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She
has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed quarterly journal
and writes a column for UPI Religion and Spirituality Forum.
Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a
ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy
in Exotic Brooklyn, NY where she works with individuals,
groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create
meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.

For information about upcoming events and services contact:

Mama Donna’s Tea Garden & Healing Haven
PO Box 380403
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Body, Mind, and Spirit Sex.

 

FOXSexpert: The Health Benefits of Masturbation | Fox News

Written By Yvonne K. Fulbright / Published August 11, 2008 / FoxNews.com

• Yvonne K. Fulbright

Perhaps the joke’s on us. While people love to make wisecracks about it, few will actually admit to doing “it.”

Yet, according to Martha Cornog, of “The Big Book of Masturbation”, self-pleasuring is surely the second most common human sex act. And, despite its torrid history, that’s proving to be a good thing. Turns out this once taboo behavior has plenty of health benefits and can do wonders for your sex life.

While the shackles of masturbation have been loosening around our loins, it is only recently that society has started to let go of its guilt around solo sex. This is in part thanks to sex researchers affirming that most of us do it, as well as the embracing of it by television sitcoms. Who can forget the bet made by Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer as to who could remain the “master of their domain” the longest?

Even if you’re not a conformist, there’s something about safety in numbers when it comes to this topic. (And if it makes you feel even better, know that masturbation is common among other animals, like dogs, cats, horses, bulls, rats, hamsters, deer, and whales, too).

This more relaxed attitude is also due to the medical community challenging its own original claims that masturbation was a serious medical-ethical problem with dire results. According to works like Onania, circa 1712, male masturbation was said to lead to disease or disorder with the loss of semen.

Likewise, in losing vaginal fluid, a female who took matters into her own hands was supposedly at risk for hysteria, jaundice, epileptic fits, and other negative health conditions. Of equal concern, self-pleasuring was thought to send her down the road to sodomy as well.

Anybody with “solo sexploration” experience can tell you that, contrary to popular myths, masturbation does not result in any of the aforementioned, nor does it lead to acne, warts, hair on the palm, insanity, blindness…

What many may not know, however, is that stimulating yourself can ultimately boost your health in many ways.

Health Benefits for Men

Research summarized in a 2007 article in Sexual and Relationship Therapy found that masturbation may help men by:

— Improving his immune system’s functioning.

— Building his resistance to prostate gland infection.

— Making for a healthier prostate.

Australian researchers have reported that frequent masturbation may lower a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer. A survey of men found the more frequently a man masturbates between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to get prostate cancer. In fact, those who masturbated more than five times a week were one-third less likely to develop prostate cancer.

Health Benefits for Females

When it comes to a woman’s health, self-pleasuring serves her well by:

— Building her resistance to yeast infections.

— Combating pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with their menstrual cycles, like cramps.

— Relieving painful menstruation by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region. This will also reduce pelvic cramping and related backaches.

— Relieving chronic back pain and increasing her threshold for pain.

Health Benefits for Both Sexes

Masturbation rewards both men and women because it’s:

— The safest kind of sex, keeping you free of sexually transmitted infections.

— A great form of stress relief.

— A mood booster in releasing endorphins.

— A natural sleep sedative.

— A mechanism for building stronger pelvic floor muscles, which can lead to better sex.

— A natural energetic pick-me-up.

As Sigmund Freud once remarked at the Vienna Psycho-Analytical Society, “the subject of masturbation is quite inexhaustible.” While he wasn’t getting at the benefits (Freud saw self-pleasuring as harmful to the genitals and one’s psychosexual and moral development), the same can be said in how it can improve one’s sexual relationship.

For couples who masturbate on occasion or regularly, sex with yourself can:

— Be empowering, especially by helping you to feel better about your body, genitals and sexual response.

— Deliver some of your most intense orgasms ever, which you’ll now know how to recreate with that special someone!

— Increase your sexual awareness, giving you the opportunity to discover what turns you on – the sensations and movements that work best to give you the greatest of sexual gratification.

— Have the potential to enhance your sex life in general, boosting your sexual confidence and turning you into a better lover.

— Get you or your partner off the hook if neither is available or not in the mood.

via FOXSexpert: The Health Benefits of Masturbation | Fox News.

I used to call my boyfriend’s Penis Godzilla….

Some enterprising Scottish researchers decided to study the sexual appetites of 323 women and discovered, interestingly enough, that size does matter. Women who achieved orgasm did so with more ease if their partner had a penis length of over 5.8 inches. The longer the ding-a-ling, the more stimulation the vagina and the cervix get, the more fun everyone’s having.

So all that so-called internal anxiety about dick size? Ha ha, it’s real. Size matters. Big time. Guess we better cool it with our “size matters” jokes, huh?

I mean, since it’s a real thing, maybe we shouldn’t poke fun at it.

Psych! It’s a mostly, if not universally, accepted standard that bigger boobs are better than small boobs, so welcome to the club, dudes! Now you, too, can feel like less of a person because of the size of your sex organ.

Here, in our club, behind door number one, we have some literature on how to get over your inferiority complex. Then there, behind door number two, we’ve got videos about how to deal with your genetic shortcomings. And way over yonder, behind door number three, we’ve got a plastic surgeon waiting to capitalize on your need to have something enlarged.

The good news for men, though, is that if you’re Italian, Swedish, Greek, or German, you don’t really have anything to worry about. Each of those countries has an average penis size of over 5.8 inches.

But if you’re from the US, UK, Spain, France, or Russia … your average penis size is under 5.8 (the US is 5.1 inches!), so … yeah. There’s that. Better go ahead and pick your door.

Penis Size Really, Really, Truly Matters — Really | The Stir.

Future Sex

 

 

 

Enjoy your breasts

 

 

Your boobs are wily little seductresses. They poke proactively out of bikini tops, peek over lacy push-up bras, and flaunt their fabulousness naked in bed—turning any red-blooded heterosexual male into a panting pile of mush.

But what most women don’t realize is that their boobs can give them heaps of satisfaction too. “The majority of research is geared toward keeping breasts healthy, and not nearly enough is known about how women can enjoy their breasts during sex,” says Debby Herbenick, Ph. D., a sexual-health educator at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University.

The truth is, your boobs play an important role in pleasing both of you. These six moves will help you double your pleasure and ensure they’re not left out of the fun.

Cuddle up

When your partner caresses your breasts, your brain releases a warm and fuzzy chemical into your bloodstream called oxytocin, says Beverly Whipple, Ph. D., professor emerita at Rutgers University. This powerful love hormone, also triggered by hugging and orgasm, fosters a strong bonding feeling between you and your partner.

To maximize its effect, while you’re on top, have your guy sit up and wrap your arms around his neck, pressing your breasts into his chest. Or, while in missionary, pull him toward you until your nipples graze his chest and focus on synchronizing your breathing. This touching and heaving at the same time will boost intimacy, and—because arousal increases blood flow—your breasts will feel warm, making your embrace feel even cozier.

Tease them

The same way a guy can become erect just like that, a woman’s breasts can stand at attention sans direct contact. In fact, the mere suggestion of sexual touch can fire off pleasurable sensations in your breasts. To make your hills come alive without actually touching them, “have your guy rest his fingertips lightly on your sternum (the middle of your chest), then move them toward either breast, drawing light circles over the entire area,” says Jaiya, co-author of Red Hot Touch. His barely there caress will stimulate the microscopic hairs on your boobs and the fine-touch nerves under the skin’s surface, creating bliss-inducing shivers.

Relish new sensations

Your man may be good with his hands, but encourage him to touch your chest with something less expected once in a while. The feel of soft jersey sheets, cool body lotion, or even silky fabric can make sex more thrilling. “Introducing various types of sensation adds a new feel to ordinary touch,” says Ian Kerner, Ph. D., author of She Comes First. During sex, have him rub your breasts with a pair of silk underwear, tickle your nipples with a feather, or smooth hand cream all over your girls. And don’t overlook the benefits his body can bring. Press your boobs into his smooth back, or dangle them over his face during girl on top, tracing them over his nose, cheekbones, and lips—or just glide his penis across your chest.

 

Focus above the areola

Those nipples, always hogging the spotlight. But they’re actually not the most sensitive region of the chest. The flesh directly above the areola (the colored skin surrounding the nipple) is the real star of the show. “We think of nipples as primary erogenous zones—which they are, to a degree—but that’s partially because they’re so visible,” Jaiya says. “However, studies have shown that women feel more pleasurable sensations above them.”

Have your guy rub the 10 o’clock to two o’clock zones with an ice cube, then blow hot air on the wet parts for head-to-toe chills. Or, while in missionary, he can use the tip of his tongue to lick circles around the area, slowly moving down to your nipple and areola (the second most sensitive zone on your breast). The pressure from his tongue will activate a tiny muscle just beneath the surface that flips on your headlights so he can then flick them ever so gently with his tongue.

Get wet

Mix things up by hopping in the shower with your guy and turning the faucet to hot (but not scorching). The heat brings blood to the skin’s surface and elevates body temperature, both of which make your skin more sensitive to the touch, says Sandor Gardos, Ph. D., founder of mypleasure.com, an online sex-toy store. Then have your guy soap up your breasts. The feeling of his hands slipping and sliding all over your boobs combined with the hot water will get both your libidos racing. Also consider experimenting with the settings on your shower head—the pulsate function will provide direct, massaging pressure, while a lighter one will feel more soothing. Not in the mood for a shower? Having your guy massage your breasts with a steamy wet towel will reap similar benefits.

Maximize your size

Your breasts may be his go-to spot on your bod, but how often do you luxuriate in the sensuality of your own curves? Never? Well, you’re missing out. “Some women don’t take the opportunity to relish their breasts during sex (or solo sex), especially if they’re self-conscious about their cup size,” Kerner says. But guess what—all women, regardless of bra size, have the same amount of nerve endings and feel an equal amount of pleasure–and experts say boobs can grow up to 25 percent bigger when aroused.

The trick is to tailor the type of touch to your size. In general, women with larger breasts can handle a slightly firmer grip because they have more fatty tissue. So when you’re on top, cup your boobs, lift them slightly, and squeeze. Feeling their full weight can be a huge turn-on. If you have a smaller set, push your breasts together with the sides of your arms to create eye-popping cleavage. Or, while you’re in the spoon position, reach up and feel them jiggle with every thrust.

Read more: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/sex-tips-2

 

How To Play With His Balls During Sex

I’m a balls girl. I’ve just always felt comfortable hanging out in the ball region. Even when I first started hooking up below-the-belt with guys and all of my friends only did the absolute basics (ie, just focusing on the shaft), I ventured into ball town. I’m not exactly sure why, but it seemed to come naturally to me. (The instinct, that is. Not the balls.) I take full responsibility for converting my three sophomore year roommates into ballers back in college. Until I talked to them about the topic, they had never gone near the guys. You’re welcome, all future hook-ups of those girls!

Anyway, my cojones expertise really shined for today’s positions, the Randy Recliner. Unfortunately, D. and I didn’t have access to a poolside recliner (or the desire to get arrested for public indecency at a public New York City pool), but we did come up with a good substitute. We used a lounge chair with the ottoman pushed against it.

We started in position but without penetration while D. stimulated me from behind. Then once I was ready, I lifted my hips and he pushed into me.

The whole thrusting thing was kinda weird…I sort of just alternated sliding back and forth and bouncing up and down — very, very carefully.

And here’s where the ball play comes in…

Just like the Kama Sutra claims, it’s a great position for fondling the boys. So while he used his hands to work on me (gotta love manual stimulation during sex!), I used mine to work on him. I gently pulled them away from his body and traced them with a finger tip. (Sometimes I carefully scratch them with my nails or massage them too.)

And the result was — I hate to use cheesy similes, but in this case I think it’s necessary — as explosive as fireworks. Seriously, so, so good. I really think the ball TLC had something to do with D.’s enjoyment. His orgasm just seemed so much more intense than usual.

I actually watched D.’s toes curl in pleasure. He also kicked his feet and bounced his knees! Totally different view of an orgasm seeing the lower half of a guy’s body! Definitely try it sometime. (And bonus, I didn’t have to feel at all self-conscious about my O-face. I know, I know — I shouldn’t anyway. But I could really let loose without worrying that I looked like I was trying to open a can or something.)

Does your guy have any slightly strange movements or faces he makes when he comes? Do you? Are you into playing with a guy’s balls? Any techniques to share?

Read more: How To Play With His Balls During Sex – Cosmopolitan

How (& How NOT) to Fondle His Balls — the Art of Testicle Play – Los Angeles Sex, LA After Dark

 

Ladies, if men’s balls baffle you, you’re not alone. I have no idea what to do with them, and I’m considered an expert in sex. They are so complex and mysterious to me, probably in the same way a female’s breasts are to the men reading; no two sets respond, feel or look the same.

The male scrotum comes in so many different shapes and sizes — even on the same guy! Each duo has its own sensitivity preference and pain threshold, so the trick for us chicks is to learn how to handle them without hurting them

Approach is everything. Men (should) know not to “drill for oil” when they first go down on a girl. Similarly, when women initially grab ahold of the cojones, we shouldn’t yank, pull or squeeze them hard.

After practicing on 500-plus pairs, I’ve learned to start out with barely a tickle and gauge my hand pressure and gestures by my man’s response. If the twins start scrunching up, then I know I’m doing a good job. What confuses me, however, is how far do I go and when do I stop?

In my never-ending quest for sexual knowledge I decided to turn to my 5,000 friends onFacebook and asked the dudes specifically what they like having done to their sacks, and signs to look for when we females are doing it wrong. I loved the candid and sexy answers that guys posted on my wall, and just like balls and breasts, no two responses were alike.

Here’s a sampling of what I received:

tungphoto / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A show of hands, please?

Scott: “Before I give an answer… are you grading these?”

Kuillian: “I like it complimented. Women need to point out just how extraordinary it is. It’s like a designer purse… only smaller and hairier.”

Alan: “You need to use your tongue on it and get it wet also. Then sort of make a cup out of your hand with the balls resting in your palm and gently, and I mean GENTLY ‘milk’ the sack while your mouth and other hand are on the cock. You’ll know you’re doing it right when you get an amazing ‘protein facial!!!'”

Robert: “Caution: Contents extremely fragile!”

JP: “When they suck, don’t suck.”

Magnus: “Well… I can’t believe I’m commenting on this! My sack personally doesn’t need any special attention. I like the clean up effort Sammy often comments on with the towel, other than that it’s really all about the penis. The fuzzy twins are just along for the ride.”

Alan: “By the way, it is MUCH more pleasurable getting head with my cock and balls shaved. MUCH more enjoyable for my woman, too.”

Eden: “Just hold it, keep it warm and snuggled while you work the shaft, but don’t squeeze or rub, just fondle, please!”

Dick: “I agree with Alan!”

David: “I could tell you Sammy, but probably easier if I showed you… just sayin.”

Engels: “A sign that a guy does not like you playing with his balls is a twitch; you will feel them tense up, we’re afraid you might go too rough on our balls. Personally, it’s not for me.”

Jenard: “I think the sack area is neglected. It’s one of the best erogenous zones! When the woman is on top facing the man, she ought to try reaching around behind her and fondle or lightly touch in a scratch-like motion the scrotum and to apply light massaging pressure on that area between the sack and anal region. That way, she can gage from the look on the guy’s face how much he enjoys it! When giving fellatio, it should be a two-handed act! One on the rod, and the other fondling and cupping the sac, again applying light pressure between that sack/anal area. Men are visual! Make sure he sees what you are doing, and if you can maintain eye contact with your partner it will make it even hotter. Being one of those males who is visually stimulated, I have to admit that I am one of those kissers who doesn’t close my eyes! I want to remember EVERYTHING and to have that picture of that lovely creature I’m kissing burned into my hard drive.”

Eden: “See Sammy? It’s fondling/cupping/keeping ’em warm.”

Scot: “Maybe a little graphic for Facebook? But, here goes… after you both cum, filling her up while she’s riding on top, afterwards letting all the juices of the moment drain down your cock flooding your sack. She climbs off, and with her soft tongue and warm breath devours the creamy mess while gently stroking your cock hard again.”

Gil: “You want just straight dudes to answer? Or do you want my two cents?”

Cullan: “Well, of course playing with them gently while blowing is obvious… even stroking the shaft with one hand while licking them or sucking them gently in her mouth. Also, while doing it doggy style, I really like when the girl reaches back and plays with my balls.”

Scottie: “Don’t touch ’em, TY.”

Billy: “Licking underneath it feels good. No pain please.”

David: “One word. Knitting needles.”

Eden: “When it hurts I say, ‘Be gentle with the giblets.””

Jeff: “Nothing, and I usually don’t say anything unless what she is doing hurts.”

Scott: “I find ‘No stupid!’ works well. Operant conditioning a la B.F. Skinner.”

Tony: “Well Sam, when I ever get to have sex, I’ll let you know.”

Gary: “All I’m gonna say to any potential article readers is BEWARE of the anus and its surrounding area.”

Sammy (me): “Gil, I want your two cents! Everyone else, GREAT information!”

Gil: “Well. My sack. LUV IT. And after I have cum, I like having my taint serviced. Feels fagtastic. Like I have lips. Good gawd! I’VE SAID TOO MUCH.”

So here’s the take away, girls: Hold them but don’t squeeze them, compliment them but ignore them, be gentle but scratch them, suck but don’t suck them, fondle but don’t rub them — and in some cases don’t even touch them. And then there’s the anus, beware of it, but apply slight pressure to it.

Still confused?

Yeah… me, too. Time to practice!

To see more of Sam and The Single Life visit TheSingleLifeRadioShow.com

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How (& How NOT) to Fondle His Balls — the Art of Testicle Play – Los Angeles Sex, LA After Dark.

 

5 Things You Need To Know About Vibrators

 

Vibrators 101: What to know about everyone’s favorite sex toy.

Some are called rabbits. Others? Elephants. There are plenty of words to describe the battery-powered pleasure centers that are tucked in bedside drawers everywhere, but they’re best known by one word: vibrators.

Every woman should have a vibrator handy, but sadly such is not the case. Perhaps it’s a lack of knowledge about the power—literally and figuratively—of these sex toys. To catch everyone up to speed, we’ve assembled five things that every woman needs to know about her should-be best friend.

1. Vibrators are good for you. Sure, they help you orgasm without requiring the pesky presence of a male, but “good for you” also relates to health. Studies have shown that women who use vibrators are more likely to have had their annual gynecological exam than women who don’t use them. So, essentially, as you’re giving yourself the gift of clitoral stimulation, you’re also more mindful of your vaginal health. That’s a win-win in our book.

2. Dudes don’t hate them. Contrary to popular belief, vibrators don’t intimidate men. Maybe not every guy will be showering his girlfriend with gift-wrapped Pink Elephants, but studies show that overall men are A-OK with women using vibrators. In fact, many agree they are a healthy part of a woman’s sex life.

3. You’ve got to believe! Having confidence in the power of your battery-powered friend can do wonders. In one research study, women who had positive beliefs regarding their vibrators—and had used them within the previous 30 days—reported higher levels of sexual satisfaction. That means more arousal, lubrication and better orgasms.

4. They can get dirty. No, we aren’t talking the kinky kind of dirty; we’re talking the “need to be cleaned” kind. Think about where that vibrator has been and then think about the last time you gave it a good wipe down. Sorry if we’re grossing you out, it’s just the truth, ladies. There is such a thing as sex toy cleaner, but for those of us not looking for high-end help, soap will do just fine. In general, just wet a cloth with warm, soapy water and wipe off your toy (just avoid the battery compartment and control area).

5. They have a shelf life. A nice, expensive vibrator will last you a good, long while—but not forever. The cheaper ones will last for about one year if used semi regularly. And, if a vibe is made with a jelly or rubber, it absolutely must be tossed after one year, no matter how much it cost. Such materials harbor bacteria so keeping them longer than a year is bad news for lady parts. The good news is that more high-end vibrators often come with warranties, so if something breaks (perhaps from overuse?) replacement is possible.

 

5 Things You Need To Know About Vibrators | YourTango.