What Does Sex Positive Mean


Question: What Does Sex Positive Mean?

The term sex positive has been in use in academic and research writing since at least the mid-1950s (probably much earlier, I’ve read that Wilhelm Reich was credited with first using the term). In these early references, sex positive was most often used as a synonym for erotophilia. In contemporary usage, the definition of sex positive continues to develop, and no one has made much of an effort to argue for a unified vision of sex positivity.

The term sex positive began to be used with greater frequency during the feminist “sex wars” of the 80s and 90s. At that time it was often used to define oneself in opposition to the anti-pornography feminists. Sex positive was used interchangeably with the term “pro-sex” and it began to include the idea that that sexual expression could be transgressive, that people can attain sexual freedom through the performance of sexual acts and sexual ways of being.

Carol Queen, an author and activist who has long been associated with the term sex positive, and whose 1997 collection Real Live Nude Girl was the first mainstream book to use the term sex positive in its title, defines sex positivity this way:

Sex-positive, a term that’s coming into cultural awareness, isn’t a dippy love-child celebration of orgone – it’s a simple yet radical affirmation that we each grow our own passions on a different medium, that instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions. “Sex-positive” respects each of our unique sexual profiles, even as we acknowledge that some of us have been damaged by a culture that tries to eradicate sexual difference and possibility. Even so, we grow like weeds.”


In an article for Planned Parenthood on providing sex positive sex education, Lisa Tobin writes that being sex positive includes:

  • Having a comprehensive definition of sexuality
  • Viewing sexual health as a basic human right
  • Focusing on the life-enhancing aspects of sexuality as well as attention to the negative aspects
  • Being non-judgmental and challenging narrow social constructs
  • Using inclusive language rather than value-laden language which makes assumptions based on sexual orientation or gender stereotypes
  • Assisting individuals to be aware of the choices involved in sexual decisions

The sex educator’s definition of sex positive usually invokes less of the transgressive politics, and focuses more on the positive psychological and physical impact of sexual expression.

While the term sex positive is still used in activist and academic writing, as well as in sexual health and sexology, these days it can most often be found in marketing materials for a wide range of for profit businesses that make money off selling sex in one form or another to the public. In this usage, it has become a short hand for sexual normalization. Thus a “sex positive author” is someone who will make you feel okay about whatever it is they tell you how to do in their book, and a “sex positive sex toy store” will make you feel good about whatever they sell you).

Whether sex positivity will lose its meaning in the face of so much marketing remains to be seen. But as long as there are other organizations (or, say, governments) whose agenda includes restricting sexual rights and expression, the idea of sex positivity remains an important one for all of us to hold on to.


What Does Sex Positive Mean.

How To Play With His Balls During Sex

I’m a balls girl. I’ve just always felt comfortable hanging out in the ball region. Even when I first started hooking up below-the-belt with guys and all of my friends only did the absolute basics (ie, just focusing on the shaft), I ventured into ball town. I’m not exactly sure why, but it seemed to come naturally to me. (The instinct, that is. Not the balls.) I take full responsibility for converting my three sophomore year roommates into ballers back in college. Until I talked to them about the topic, they had never gone near the guys. You’re welcome, all future hook-ups of those girls!

Anyway, my cojones expertise really shined for today’s positions, the Randy Recliner. Unfortunately, D. and I didn’t have access to a poolside recliner (or the desire to get arrested for public indecency at a public New York City pool), but we did come up with a good substitute. We used a lounge chair with the ottoman pushed against it.

We started in position but without penetration while D. stimulated me from behind. Then once I was ready, I lifted my hips and he pushed into me.

The whole thrusting thing was kinda weird…I sort of just alternated sliding back and forth and bouncing up and down — very, very carefully.

And here’s where the ball play comes in…

Just like the Kama Sutra claims, it’s a great position for fondling the boys. So while he used his hands to work on me (gotta love manual stimulation during sex!), I used mine to work on him. I gently pulled them away from his body and traced them with a finger tip. (Sometimes I carefully scratch them with my nails or massage them too.)

And the result was — I hate to use cheesy similes, but in this case I think it’s necessary — as explosive as fireworks. Seriously, so, so good. I really think the ball TLC had something to do with D.’s enjoyment. His orgasm just seemed so much more intense than usual.

I actually watched D.’s toes curl in pleasure. He also kicked his feet and bounced his knees! Totally different view of an orgasm seeing the lower half of a guy’s body! Definitely try it sometime. (And bonus, I didn’t have to feel at all self-conscious about my O-face. I know, I know — I shouldn’t anyway. But I could really let loose without worrying that I looked like I was trying to open a can or something.)

Does your guy have any slightly strange movements or faces he makes when he comes? Do you? Are you into playing with a guy’s balls? Any techniques to share?

Read more: How To Play With His Balls During Sex – Cosmopolitan