Sex Addiction

We all have something to ‘deal with’. It’s important to know where behaviors stem from. Resentment, blame, shame, regret and all of the negative feelings adopted don’t have to exist. Understanding, love & forgiveness are so important. Always remember, in times of turmoil and uncompromising states of mind, to state- “this is me deal with it or leave it” is doing everyone, including yourself, a disservice. Your actions are chosen ‘behaviors’ which can change. Don’t sell yourself short.

http://www.sexaddictionscounseling.com/

Sex Addictions Counseling

Dr. Rory Reid of UCLA did research in 2007 and 2011 in which groups of men in treatment for sex addiction were assessed for ADHD and in which 23%-26% were found to meet the criteria for adult ADHD. Almost all of these (97%) were of the “predominantly inattentive type” rather than being predominantly hyperactive. (The prevalence of ADHD in the general population is 3-5% according to Reid.)

Can impulsivity or low self-concept explain the correlation?

Dr. Reid also gathered evidence about whether ADHD might be “driving” sex addiction due to the impulsivity of people with attention deficit as children.

He found that it is not impulsivity but the detrimental affects on self-esteem suffered by children with ADHD that causes them to seek to self-medicate with drugs or sex to cope with their poor self concept and low self confidence. (This argument rests on the fact that many adults with ADHD began as children with ADHD.)

The low self-esteem explanation makes sense in light of the fact cited by Dr. Reid that 11-35% of people with chemical dependency and pathological gambling also have adult ADHD.

Perhaps ADHD is so hard on children’s self esteem that they look for any drug they can find to cope with the pain. As children, virtually the only drug available is sexual self-soothing.

Posttraumatic dissociation may look like ADHD

Dr. Patrick Carnes has talked about sex addiction as, among other things, an “Attention Deficit Disorder.”

Problems that resemble what we think of as Attention Deficit Disorder are evident in those cases where the person has a traumatic history leading to dissociative splitting, or dissociative avoidance. In such cases the person cannot stay present and focused due to automatic reactions of fear learned earlier in life. They “zone out” or freeze.

Most sex addicts have experienced trauma in the form of disturbances in their early attachment bonds to their parents or caretakers. Maybe the addict’s inattentiveness and poor ability to focus in addicts is related to childhood experiences.

Diagnosing ADHD

I have worked with dozens of kids diagnosed with ADHD. It seemed to me that most of them had problematic attachment histories and dysfunctional families. I suspected that a large number of them were experiencing various trauma reactions, including dissociation rather than true ADHD. (The best assessments for ADHD incorporate a battery of neuropsychological measures rather than relying on pencil and paper tests. Such tests are more discriminating but they are not routinely used.)

So maybe these children were protecting themselves from stressful or traumatic life experiences like rejection, abandonment threats, or outright abuse by dissociating as a way to numb the pain.

As adults such people would “meet the criteria” for ADHD when in fact they simply had a life-long post traumatic response of detaching their attention and zoning out. These people would also be at risk for sex addiction and other addictions.

But this implies that many more addicts should have ADHD-like symptoms such as inattentiveness and distractability. In reality maybe they do.

Many sex addicts report ADHD symptoms when asked

More sex addicts feel that they have ADHD than are professionally assessed as meeting the criteria for ADHD. Dr. Reid also reported a study in 2004 in which sex addicts filled out self-report questionnaires. That study found that 67% of sex addicts subjectively reported symptoms of ADHD! This finding supports the idea that there is something else going on, something like post-traumatic splitting or dissociation.

The difficult question is which came first, a “true” attention deficit disorder followed by low self esteem and later by addiction, or the early stressful attachment history followed by all of the above?

The Cure

     Did you know that 1/3 of the women in this world own a vibrator? I know it’s a crazy thought especially since when the vibrator was originally invented, its purpose was to cure women of “hysteria” a term that at the time, was used to describe what we now call sexual frustration. Doctors grew weary of manually relieving women of this ailment so they designed a machine that vibrated and was applied to the clitoris in or to induce orgasm.

     Ironically enough a woman’s pleasure was the furthest thing from the minds of the men who created the vibrator. Today women have replaced men’s laziness, the laziness that led to the invention in the first place, with the very same invention, the vibrator.

     Up until the 20^th century men the world over believed that women did not experience physical sexual pleasure and were simply content to be the proverbial “hole in the wall” that mean treated them like.  Women had only 2 purposes of which the second was to bear children and in the eyes of men didn’t experience the same pleasures. This as obviously since been proven very wrong but you can see why men operating under that impression left women suffering from this “hysteria.” I would go crazy too if the man I was having sex with never bothered to make sure I had an orgasm!

      In the late 19^th century doctors were making a killing in the “orgasm” game or what they used to call “paroxysm” because according to them at the time women didn’t experience sexual gratification the way men did.  At the time doctors didn’t exactly have the stellar reputation they do today. Their methods tended to kill more people than they helped, so when they developed the cure for hysteria women were more than happy to come back over and over for treatment.

      Unfortunately for the doctors their monopoly on the vibrator was short-lived.  Thanks to advertising in women’s magazines, the vibrator soon made its way into homes disguised as the “personal massager.” Even today they are still sometimes described as personal massagers but for the most part it is out in the open. I mean it had to be after the women’s movement and feminism took hold in our country.  Of course it took women to get things going!

      Today there are thousands of different vibrators. They are plug in, portable bullets, egg shaped, long and pink, battery powered, and water proof. 1/3 of women own a vibrator and to think we owe it all to some lazy doctors who thought we didn’t get off the way they did.

-SweetDee

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